“Do you really want to know what it’s like to be a porn star? Brace yourself, because I’m not going to pull any punches.”

These words start off Monica’s autobiography, Absolute Mayhem. “Most adult film stars that write about the industry try to glamorize it, but I didn’t want to sugarcoat anything, so I wrote about the good and the bad,” says Monica. The book starts with her troubled childhood in Australia, and progresses through dancing at the famous Spearmint Rhino in London, to coming to the United States, where she shot her first hardcore porn flick in 2000. Over the last nine years, she’s had sex on camera with around 100 men, but admits she’s lost count, and has made over 400 hardcore adult movies. She’s won numerous industry awards, and had a small part in the Sex and the City movie. Monica even has a line of her very own sex toys called the Saucy Aussie Collection.

My mother was an alcoholic, had a quick temper and an angry disposition. My father put up with it for seven years, for the sake of us kids, until my mother kicked him out, in a fit of rage one night. My mother was a very cold, bitter, aggressive woman. She would call me lots of names including “little slut”. From the age of ten on, I tried to stay with friends’ families or get into foster care. I was smoking and drinking at the age of 12. By 13, I was ditching school a lot and spending my time hanging out at the creek or in the bush with my friends, smoking weed. I became the sort of kid that most social workers would probably classify a juvenile delinquent. I was called ugly at school, and growing up with my Mum, I never had much confidence or self-esteem. One night when I was 14, I was fast asleep in my bed, when she stormed into my bedroom in the middle of the night. She started punching me in the face and shouting at me. ‘That’s it!’ she screamed, ‘I want you out of here!’

After spending some time shuffling between the homes of friends, she got expelled from school. The principal told her “You’re not welcome here. You have no legal guardian, so you can’t come back to school.” When she was called a “good fuck” by some of the boys she knew, instead of being upset, she said she was rather proud of it. Having sex became her way to feel desired and loved. Monica was actually the “poster child of a future porn star”, but she didn’t realize it, and years passed before she actually became one. As Monica continues to tell her story, we follow her to the United States, where she becomes involved in the porn industry and lasts as a top star for eight years.

There are many, many things most people don’t know about what it’s really like being a porn star—such as how expensive it is. I paid $6000 for my breast enhancements and still spend at least $2000 a month on keeping up my appearance for the cameras and the fans. It breaks down to something like $260 for my chiropractor, $200 on hair, $200 on nails, $200 on acupuncture, $110 on massages, $140 on tanning, $120 on STD tests, $120 on facials, $40 for the gym, and the rest on constantly updating my wardrobe for red-carpet events and nightclubs.

When Monica was asked why she got into the business of porn she responded: “I’ve known brain surgeons from Russia who’ve come in to do porn because they make more money in the States doing porn than doing surgery in their own country. Then there’s girls paying their way through college or trying to support their kids. There are all different kinds of reasons people get into the business. The burnout rate in this business is brutal, and many girls don’t even get past the first year. They quit, get lost in drugs or therapy, turn to full-time escort work or find something else to do. I’ve never been insecure about my body and it was easy to get naked. Going on set and being told that you look beautiful really boosts your confidence!” During an interview, Monica once admitted she didn’t achieve orgasm from penetration and was reprimanded because porn stars don’t say things like that. Monica said: “We’re all supposed to be super-orgasmic super-sluts, don’t you know that? For any girl, huge cocks can really be a source of pain. Quite a few guys in the industry are hung like horses.”

I’m still tight down there, even after all that sex. The only downside to that, as I’ve said, is that big cocks really hurt me. It hurts inside too, and that’s why I try not to do too many scenes with hugely hung guys. I’m in pain for days afterwards, especially when I’ve been fucking for over an hour on some shoots. I get so sore, and that really ruins it for me if I have to shoot again in the next few days.

Her book continues with descriptions of different fetish films she was asked to do. Monica did a shoot for a Japanese company with a famous Japanese male porn star. There was a translator, because no one spoke English. They did a gonzo shoot—no plot or script—and they started yelling at her to scream louder. She moaned louder and louder. Finally, when they weren’t happy, she said: “Look, are you fucking serious? I’m moaning as loud as I can! The translator pulled me aside and told me that the Japanese get off on the appearance of a girl getting raped.” The theory is that Japanese men are brought up by very strict mothers and use porn to channel their resentment of women. “On another occasion, I found myself sought after for yet another Japanese scenario. This shoot would entail me spending an hour kicking a guy in the nuts really hard and then jerking him off to pop—a quickie scene for $500. I learned that the Japanese have a whole sub-genre of porn dedicated to this, which even has a name—tamakeri (loosely translated, means ball-kicking). The male actor has to maintain his erection during and after he is being kicked.

Absolute Mayhem talks about many things that other porn stars have neglected or been loathe to talk about; like how they keep the whole pussy area clean, the preparation for anal sex, and getting rid of stray hairs by the anal opening. Or, such as, telling all aspiring porn stars that the most important technique that they need to learn is to open their legs, so the camera can see the sex. Or, why she quit the L.A. party scene and stopped doing drugs, the serious occupational hazard of HIV and STD’s, the fetish films that made her feel uncomfortable, and about healing her emotions with the Wiccan religion. Wicca is the practice of white witchcraft. It is not considered evil and the golden rule is ‘And it harm none, do as ye will’, which means do what you want, as long as you are not hurting anyone. “I got involved because of my traumatic upbringing. I felt like everything in my life kept going wrong and I never felt quite happy or complete. I always felt like there was something missing. It really didn’t have to do with the porn industry. I just felt a bit lost my whole life. If you ask me, being a porn star is a way of using sex to cauterize out emotional wounds.”

When I talked to Monica in Australia, she said she had moved back to Sydney because she was getting married. I congratulated her and asked if she would try monogamy now. She answered: “I talked about how hard it was to have relationships in the industry and I thought it would never happen and I was almost at the point of giving up on looking for love. Then all of a sudden, it came, and he happened to be from Sydney, and that’s why I’ve moved back to Australia and pretty much retired from the industry. I’m going to try monogamy now. Before, I couldn’t find anyone that I connected with, but it’s different when you’re in love with somebody and don’t want to be with anyone else. I guess I’ve gotten over the ‘it’s fun to switch partners all the time.’ Now I’m not going to do that. SLV

Issue 53 featuring: Nevaeh, Scar, Celeste Star and a Celebrity Photo Feature "Outside the Box" part 1